Adults come with (sometimes excess) emotional baggage, fears and phobias. When we want to analyze where these irrational anxieties stem from we usually revert back to our childhood to figure out why we react to certain situations the way that we do. Perhaps we can detect where it all began by recollecting memories, other times a simple tale from our parents or grandparents can trace back the root of it all.
What if we, as parents, have the ability to shape our children in an ever so conscious manner that we avoid instilling fears and threats, whether intentional or otherwise?
The incident that sparked this happened over the weekend, I was sneaking in a couple minutes of extra sleep on my kid’s bed (wishful thinking), and I looked up to find the tentacles of the Ursula doll from the animated movie The Little Mermaid dangling from up on the shelf. I instantly recalled that over a year ago, my daughter watched the cartoon and was afraid of the witch, at the time I was about to fly to London and when I asked her what gift she wanted, without hesitation she said: Ursula. My husband and I weren’t sure why she would mention such a hideous plush toy from the Disney store but when we came back it made sense.
She wanted to face her fear.
She wanted to hold the witch and realize whether she deserved her fear.
That got me thinking, are children conditioned to be afraid of certain people or objects? Is it innate or it is taught by some unfortunate accident?
Perhaps these ponderings don’t have a clear and direct answer, but what we can learn from our children’s behavior is that they might find a way to rationalize their unwanted feelings. Being aware of the object at hand makes them feel more powerful and in control of the situation, which is a technique that will help them throughout life and its obstacles. On the other hand, what we as parents can control is avoiding using certain situations to create fear. If we tell a 2 year old that the doggy will bite him if he doesn’t do so and so, he might develop a phobia, the same way that if we terrorize a young girl with insects, she might never overcome it.
What we can learn to do however is think our thought over ten times before we speak it, lest a moment of anger causes a lifetime of damage. It is more complicated than we would think at face value, but even our little ones teach us invaluable lessons!
Maria Najem
Photo: tommynelson.com
