Playdates consist of 2 or more children playing together with 1 or more parents within earshot or watching over them, and they usually happen at playgrounds or at one of the friends’ homes. Something occurred on one of my daughter’s recent playdates, a few words that were said that really got me thinking about cause and effect.
My little girl was playing with her friend, having fun and getting along until the latter says suddenly “this is my home, you will play with what I tell you” soon followed by “the (play) kitchen at your home isn’t nice and you don’t have a lot of toys anyway, I have way more”. Luckily my daughter didn’t respond but I remained in shock, not by the first part of what her friend said, because I think that is quite common and I’ve heard it on other playdates, but by the second part.
Where did her friend get that from and what are the effects of these words?
I went back home with a heavy heart, all I wanted to do was hug my child and as I did that words failed me and I decided to save the lecture for another day. All I could think of was why did her friend say that? Why can’t kids share everything? Why do they compare? Is this where jealousy begins? How do I explain to her that we shouldn’t care what others say? She does have plenty of toys and her kitchen is awesome if you ask me but that’s beside the point. I want to know where did it stem from, is it from the parents? From other children? If toys are being compared, does that mean material things are the only ones that matter? And why was a child counting toys anyway?
Truth is, while kids argue, fight over toys, and say things that shouldn’t be regarded as problematic, I believe that those words hold greater meaning in terms of why the child said them, meaning what was the back-story i.e. cause, and what is their major effect on my daughter or any other kid who will be on the receiving end.
No, it doesn’t matter whose toys are better, bigger, and brighter or more in quantity. No, if one kid has something it doesn’t mean the other should have one like it. If that were the case then we could simply leave our kids at their respective homes playing alone, or we’d have each of them bring their own toys to a playdate.
All I can conclude from this incident is that I need to remind my daughter of her worth and of life’s values, not because of a few words that were thrown around, but to protect her from the things that do not happen in front of me and to build her confidence based not on her assets (regardless of how little or a lot they are) but on her inner self.
Now imagine if we all tried to discuss these issues with our young children, how great would it be for vulnerable little girls not to be hurt?
Maria Najem
Photo: 123rf.com
