Have you heard of the fourth trimester?
It is a new and not so common term to describe the newborn’s phase the first 3 months after birth, hence continuing the 3 trimesters of pregnancy into 4. In their mother’s tummy, babies are protected, warm, have the proper nourishment when needed, and sleep according to their cycle, but when they are born they are suddenly separated from their home, the womb, to the physical one in the concrete world. How do we expect them to adjust automatically when they are still in shock? This definition helps mothers understand why their babies are acting the way they do and also assists in ways to soothe them.
When I had my first child I wasn’t familiar with the term until it was past its useful time frame, so like most mothers I was clueless as to what was going on and why my daughter was crying all the time. Before the birth of my second child I armed myself with the knowledge that helped me understand things from a newborn’s perspective and made things smoother.
The most important thing that I learned and applied was that soothing a baby isn’t spoiling, so I held my son whenever he needed to be comforted, because to me, there was no crueler thing than a baby scared and wanting to be held with no one to respond. When I did this he felt safe, and bit by bit he was aware that when he needed me I would be there.
I also realized that keeping the house quiet wasn’t a good strategy at all when I wanted to put him to sleep. On the contrary, inside the womb babies hear all sorts of sounds such as the heart beat and digestive system, so the only logical thing to do was to turn on a fan with a sound, a hair dryer on cold away from him, the washer or dryer to name a few. Constant recurrent noise reminds them of their home for 9 months.
When it comes to being fed, newborns aren’t used to demanding it therefore have no idea how to express their hunger. This means that we mustn’t wait for them to cry to breastfeed or offer the bottle but instead be on the lookout for early cues of hunger mainly the hand in the mouth. Once we bypass the early signs and the baby starts crying, it becomes harder to latch on to the nipple or accept the bottle.
Sometimes it might feel hard to listen to your baby or pick up the hidden clues especially when during these early months you will be welcoming guests at your home to congratulate you on your newborn, you might have extra help and everyone feels entitled to their opinion on how you should be raising your child. These words of advice are many times valuable, but for a mother who hasn’t slept and is trying her best, they can be very harmful to hear and would leave her in confusion. My advice to you is to follow your intuition, your mother’s instinct; it will help you know if your baby needs to sleep, is feeling scared or is hungry. We’ve all been there and we will all get through it like champs!
Maria Najem
Photo: nineinthemirror.com
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